I have decided that I don't feel comfortable posting on this blog. Dan has already admitted to me that he has logged into my photobucket accounts to look for pictures of him and I don't doubt that he would come here to see what I am up to.
For that reason, I am relocating blogs. (again)
I will contact those who read it to let them know the new blog address when I make it.
I am still around, I just havent had much time or energy to blog. Most of my apartment is packed up and ready for the move in 11 days. I haven't been able to knit since thats all packed in bins in the living room.
Mainly I have been getting my shit together and reading some "Twilight".
More to come after the move!
Last week I posted about my marriage being over. Dan did arrive in Arkansas, and I requested information from a lawyer to file for divorce. For the most part, things were fine. I mean sure there was stress with him not working, but it was stress we could handle.
Let’s rewind a few weeks. I got off work, got in the car and he asked me to hold a book for him that he had lying on the passenger seat. It was called “How to Survive a Spiritually Mismatched Marriage”. I was shocked. For those that know me, I am not as active in my faith as I should be. However, I believe in God, I believe in the Bible and all that. I just don’t go to church on a regular basis, more of a special occasion deal. Dan was majorly into “worship” yet he never went to church. I was trying to explain to him that I had the same religious beliefs as him and didn’t understand where all that was coming from. He never really responded. The next day, at work, I was thinking about it some more. I talked to him on the phone and he said he felt that if he had known how I was before we got married, he didn’t know if he would have married me. Woah there, I am the exact same person I was the entire time. Nothing about me has changed, except I might have gained a bit more patience. So, I wrote him a letter, calmly explaining that, and it hurts me to know that as my husband he is judging me on how I practice my faith. I busted out a few bible verses, and gave him the letter.
After work, he read the letter, and rather than talking to me, he wrote back. He basically shot down everything I said, ignored the bible verses and to sum it up, he didn’t want to accept me for who I am. So, he packed his bags and was working on getting a bus ticket back to Arkansas. The only problem? He had a way back to Arkansas, but no way to the bus station. I refused to take him. He had no money. He called the taxi company and tried to pawn his wedding band for a ride. Thankfully they turned him down. We sat in separate rooms and I finally got up, went into the kitchen and started making something to eat. He came in, saying if I would hug him, he would stay. So, I hugged him. We agreed we would work on sharing our feelings more, I would be more willing to attempt to go to this church he wanted to try out, and he would work on accepting things I like as well.
That lasted for about 2 ½ weeks. Things were going great. We were looking at apartments together, we were about to take a second look at the apartment we both loved. I had talked to him on the phone from work, he was all excited. Couldn’t wait to start furniture shopping. Two hours later, he picks me up from work, and decides he no longer wants to be married.
We went to my mother’s (because they were going with us to look at the apartment). Rather than Dan joining us for the second look, we left him outside my apartment and went to look at it ourselves. My mom and stepdad lent me the money for the deposit, and I move in on March 28th. When I got back home, Dan was waiting. He walked over to us and struck a deal with my parents. If they gave him money for his bus ticket and a ride to the bus station, he wouldn’t go after me for half of the income tax. All he wanted was his clothes, his computer and his cell phone. They talked it over and agreed, so off he went.
We spoke over the weekend. He told me he’s sorry for being a jackass, but he feels he never truly loved me in that way. He partially came here for a place to live, and partially getting over his ex girlfriend.
Now I am left here, wondering for the rest of my life, why a person who doesn’t love another, would promise to spend the rest of their life with them in front of family, friends and God.
I am slowly dealing with it. I have days where I cry, and days where I can smile and laugh again. Ideally I would like to be his friend, in the distant future, I just can’t right now.
I'll make this short and sweet.
My marriage is over.
He is on his way to Arkansas as I type this.
The End.
Saturday Dan and I went to go look at an apartment down town. It had its good points and most definitely its bad points as well.
Good:
-The original woodwork, cabinets, hardwood floors from over a hundred years ago.
-A Terrace in the back of the apartment to relax on.
-French Doors
Bad:
-Bad neighborhood
-Landlady seems kinda....bitchy?
-Rooms are way too small
-No counters in the kitchen
-The only cabinets in the kitchen are way too tall, wouldnt be able to reach them
-Fire station right around the corner. (sirens at 3 am no ty)
Needless to say, the bad outweighed the good and we wont be taking that apartment.
After work today, we stopped by another place that's for rent. This one was on the south side of town. One bedroom, heat included. While the bedroom was still on the smaller side, our bed would fit so I'm fine with it. The living room is a decent size. The bathroom is HUGE, and the kitchen is decent as well. Plus, it also comes with the 3rd floor attic for storage. There is electricity up there, but no heat. Either way, we can finally have a place to put all of our things! We can even set aside a corner to stash my yarn!
All we have to do now is try to come up with the security deposit. I just paid rent for our current place and don't have enough to cover it at the moment. Here's hoping we come across some money so we can get a new place to live before the land lady kicks us out!
I can't believe that February is already over halfway over. The weather has been tempermental. One day its cold and snowy, the next day its in the 50's and 60's. Right now we are back to the cold cycle with the occasional snowfall. What does this mean in the Lopez household? It means that I am forever wanting to just stay under the blankets with my favorite mug and sipping some hot tea or hot chocolate. I would much rather spend my days reading or knitting. Instead I have to suck it up and face reality. I have not won the lottery yet. I am not an heiress and I am not disgustingly wealthy. So, for now, I have to wake up each morning, drag myself to the bathroom to get ready for the work day. I get to work and immediately head straight to the soda machine so I can get caffeine in my system as soon as humanly possible. I sit at my desk for 8.5 hours a day. For about 4 of those hours I bust my butt and get my work done. The rest of the time is spent doing other people's work for them. I come home, either cook dinner or relax in the kitchen with Dan while he cooks dinner. We eat, clean up dishes and spend the next few hours watching tv or a movie, while I sit and knit up whatever project is on the needles at that time.
Dan is still out of work. He is spending a few hours a day filling out applications and trying to find any type of job he can get. At this point, he is even willing to work 3rd shift.
I keep trying to save money wherever I can but still allow myself to splurge on yarn once in awhile. We quit smoking, we quit playing Maple Story. I figure I can allow myself to buy a few skeins of the cheap yarn each pay and once in a verrrry great while let myself buy the real good yarn.
Tonight, I have to go to AC Moore to pick up some baby yarn. A co-worker approached me last week. A friend of hers recently found out she is having a baby and the co-worker would like me to knit a blanket. She's paying for the yarn and to reimburse me for my time, she will be getting me 1 skein of yarn for myself for every skein of yarn I use on the project. I basically got creative freedom. I was able to choose which pattern I want to use and I suppose I get to pick which yarn to knit it out of. I am thinking Red Heart Baby since she requested something Gender Friendly. She asked for something that had pink. blue, green and yellow all in one. AC Moore has Red Heart on sale this week, so after a few washes in fabric softener when its complete, we will have ourselves a winner!
After making myself the Irish Hiking Scarf, I found a new love for cables. I wanted to knit myself a hat that would go with the scarf, but not the same color. Lately I have been into rich tones. Oranges, Purples, Reds. I knit myself this hat and love, love, love it. Since completing it, I noticed a co-worker's hat. It's black and severely worn and pilled. Friday I decided that I would surprise her and knit a new black hat for her. Again, the Irish Hiking Hat. I had it half way done, when Dan requested the same hat, same color. I don't mind knitting with black, but I was hoping for a bit of a change. No biggie, I told him I would be able to start it in a few days. Yesterday, I was on lunch at work, when Maryanne had asked me to knit her a hat. AGAIN with the Irish Hiking Hat, and AGAIN in black! Argh. Today I finished Angela's hat and cast on Dan's.
From now on, if anyone requests the Irish Hiking Hat, I will notify them that I can do it, as long as it isn't black. I need colors!
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